Tuesday, January 24, 2006


Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.

Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.

Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.

There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those you want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened!

Frogs have it easy. They can eat what bugs them.

I was only looking at your name tag, honest.

KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.

Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door # 2.

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.

I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.

Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.

I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?

Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go!.

Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.

Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!

The trouble with life is that you're half-way through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.

I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.

Famous last words: What happens if you touch these two wires tog--ahhhhhhhhhh.

I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Who puts those "Thin Ice" signs out there.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Southern Quotes

"Do Southerners laugh at different things than Northerners do? Yes--Northerners."
--Roy Blount

"The North isn't a place. It's just a direction out of the South."
--Roy Blount, Jr.

"In the South, the breeze blows softer...neighbors are friendlier, nosier, and more talkative. (By contrast with the Yankee, the Southerner never uses one word when ten or twenty will do)...This is a different place. Our way of thinking is different, as are our ways of seeing, laughing, singing, eating, meeting and parting. Our walk is different, as the old song goes, our talk and our names. Nothing about us is quite the same as in the country to the north and west. What we carry in our memories is different too, and that may explain everything else."
--Charles Kuralt in "Southerners: Portrait of a People"

“Whenever I'm asked why Southern writers particularly have a penchant for writing about freaks, I say it is because we are still able to recognize one.”
--Flannery O'Connor

"The biggest myth about Southern women is that we are frail types--fainting on our sofas...nobody where I grew up every acted like that. We were about as fragile as coal trucks."
--Lee Smith

"Snow in the South is wonderful. It has a kind of magic and mystery that it has nowhere else. And the reason for this is that it comes to people in the South not as the grim, unyielding tenant of Winter's keep, but as a strange and wild visitor from the secret North."
--Thomas Wolfe

"What has always been clear, for Southerner and non-Southerner alike, is that Dixie is the most fascinating part of the country. There may be a book out there called 'The Great Midwest' or 'A Turn in the Midwest' or 'The Mind of the Midwest' or 'The Midwestern Mystique', but if there is I'm certainly not aware of it."
--Fred Hobson

"Even if they've moved away, most people who grew up in the South still consider themselves Southern."
----Lillian Hellman

"Southerners can claim kin with anybody. It's one of our most dextrous talents." ----Guy Davenport